Off-Beet!

Folks, some things are just plain wrong.

A beet cannot be a pizza crust.

I looked the other way when cauliflower pizza crust came out, not because I thought it was right, but because I like cauliflower.

But beets???? This is too much. I hate beets! (I’ve told you this before.) And now those posers are trying to make a play for pizza??!!! Not even as a topping – which sounds loathsome but not out of the realm of possibilities, if you were a beet lover – but as the CRUST?????!!!!!

The world already has enough conflict, strife and confusion; we don’t need beets to go around claiming that they can become pizza crust.

Because they CAN’T.

Beets, or cauliflower, or broccoli, or kale, or kohlrabi, or any other vegetable you can think of – they CANNOT be pizza crust.

They can be a vegetable-based delivery device for pizza-like toppings.

They can be a vegetable platform upon which other foods are placed, and then heated.

They can be round slabs of ground-up vegetables and spices shaped into a pizza crust substitute.

That’s all they can be. They CANNOT be a pizza “crust”.

Why? Because pizza is flat bread dough (gluten-laden or gluten-free, either is fine, we don’t discriminate) topped with other foods and baked. THAT’S pizza.

Beets aren’t bread dough. Neither, for that matter, are cauliflower, rutabaga, eggplant, bok choy or butternut squash. Unlike beets, those are all fine vegetables, but they still can’t be pizza crust.

I know you think I’m ranting, I know you think I’m a food snob or that I hate vegetables, but sometimes, you have to take a stand. And I don’t hate vegetables, I just hate beets.

The only thing good about beets is their color. But they should swim in their lane and not try to make claims about being pizza crust. It’s just wrong. Off-beet!