suicide regrets: i missed the nuances of your decline

October 6, 2020

suicide regrets: i missed the nuances of your decline

10 Comments

i missed the nuances 
of your decline

it wasn’t a leap 
from a mountaintop 
but a bumpy 
slow fall 
down a rocky hill

there was no 
loud outcry 
for help

just a few rocks 
and some dust 
scattered 
now and then 
as you grappled 
silently
with the slippery slope 
of life

easy to see 
in hindsight

perhaps

but in real time
just a few rocks 
and some dust 
scattered
as you grappled 
silently
with the slippery slope 
of life

bruises hidden
you weren’t trying 
to draw attention 
to your 
desperation

but you probably 
thought 
i would be there 
to catch you 

just like 
those other times

and
that is the source 
of my heartbreak

little did I know 
that you would 
make your escape 
into that dark night

away from our love
away from the light

as you grappled 
silently
with the slippery slope 
of life

and
that is the source 
of my heartbreak

i missed the nuances 
of your decline

but you probably 
thought 
i would be there 
to catch you 

just like 
those other times

and
that 

is the source 

of 
my 
heartbreak

My brother is gone, but his memory lives on. His suicide 7 years ago tomorrow was shocking, painful, unexpected and unnecessary – and yet his memory is sweet and life-affirming.

Steven Thomas Harvell

Time has a way of making that happen.

But what shouldn’t happen is any more preventable deaths.

World Mental Health Day is October 10, but EVERY DAY is a good day to focus on mental health, our own and that of our loved ones.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from the slippery slope of life and contemplating taking the ultimate step to end it, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255.

Or if you are struggling with the challenges of 2020, please know that you are not alone. Reach out. Share your nuances with someone. We may not notice the rocks and dust being scattered on your bumps down that rocky hill without your outcry – but once we hear it, we will come.

These reflections shared in loving memory of Steven Thomas Harvell.

© 2020, Glover Gardens



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