I Hate Beets (Haiku and Rant for NaHaiWriMo)

I hate beets! They make a promise with their glorious color that they cannot keep with their taste. To say it in haiku:

dear beets, please explain
the dichotomy between
your color and taste

Most foods are A-OK with me, but beetroot is tops on the Bad List, along with alligator and mayonnaise (the jarred kind).

I’ve tried to like beets, really I have, but they taste like the dirt they come from. I’m not even sure they are actually food! Maybe the first human who ate them were just really hungry.

Photo from The Goods, which has a nice article about beets, including their health value and history (I still hate the pernicious red root, but it’s a good article)

My son’s godfather (known as the Raconteur here – see this post about his margaritas) used to come to my house so we could cook crazy things together oh-so-many years ago. I was alone at home with a small child and the Raconteur, who was yet to be married, had spare time, adored my child and is an adventurous cook and eater.  We once we tried a dish that used ground fenugreek on chicken served in a beet-yogurt sauce. It was so bad that it was funny – my musician husband actually laughed out loud when he arrived home at around midnight and we served him Fenugreek Chicken with Beet Sauce.  It was close to inedible. I’m not hating on the fenugreek; the beets just spoiled the whole dish.

What were we thinking?!!!  It was actually the Raconteur’s fault; I was a doubter the whole time but he thought beets had gotten a bad rap because of the way our moms served them – pickled, from a can. His theory was that fresh beets with fresh yogurt (I think we made that, too) would be a whole different animal.  Nope.  Tasted like dirt.

The Raconteur married the lovely Kat-Woman, and we still find time to cook together when we can, now as a foursome with the Grill-Meister (another beet-hater).  Kat-Woman also hates beets. But the subject keeps coming up. It seems like they want to like beets. (What’s up with that???) Last month, Kat-Woman sent us a text with a photo:

Continuing our discussion about beets…… Maybe this version will be edible?😆😳🤔


I doubted it. And since I never heard back from her about this travesty (beet hummus???), they must not have been edible.

Then today, this message and photo:

 We’ve found a way we will eat beets. They do it right in London.
Beetroot and Goat Cheese Risotto from a restaurant in London; photo courtesy of Kat-Woman

They keep going back to the beet thing. I’m still very, very doubtful, but the thing is – Kat-Woman and the Raconteur have excellent palates and we love many of the same foods. I might just have to try this the next time I’m in London. Maybe.

While I’m confessing my feelings about beets, I’ll have to admit that I’ve never tried borscht.  I should, it’s a traditional food that a foodie should have knowledge of…but again, it’s got beets in it! Convince me, someone!

Or maybe not.  Beets are beets, and I’m a beet-hater.

© 2018 Glover Gardens (cover image from johnnyseeds.com)

21 thoughts on “I Hate Beets (Haiku and Rant for NaHaiWriMo)

  1. No beets. Ick. No beets, ever — no, nor turnips. either. Double ick. I think both rose to prominence and near idolatry as a result of grandparent and great-grandparent Depression era experiences. Although, I suspect if I were hungry I’d be a lot less selective about what I put in my mouth — but that’s perhaps a topic for another day. Hold your ground, Kim! 🙂

  2. Pickled Beets are the Bomb Kim. Sorry. Don’t hate me for starting BeetLovers.com. I’m guessing you’re the Anti-Beet? Perhaps you can buy BeetHaters.com. Cheers my friend. Steve

    1. I don’t know about turnips…we don’t really get them much in the South. Are you from somewhere colder? Do turnips also taste like dirt?

  3. I hated beets my entire life until I realized I like home pickled beets in a salad. I still despise them most other ways. I do like (vegetarian) borscht. Roasted beets are much lauded as being tolerated by beet haters, but haven’t made my list of liked foods. Every now and then I try beets again, as I do other foods I really don’t like (okra, Brussels sprouts, chayote). I’m supposed to like beets, aren’t I?

    1. It is so funny that you think you are supposed to like beets…because you are a vegetarian? My friend the Raconteur has become a vegetarian and perhaps that’s why they keep revisiting the beet subject. Have you posted about home-pickling beets? I’d love to see how you do it. Maybe that’s what it will take to convince me. Feel free to post the link here if you’ve got something that will turn beet-haters around.

      1. Exactly. Vegetarians are supposed to like vegetables aren’t they? I could make a long list of vegetables I can’t stand or can barely tolerate in addition to the few I mentioned. I eat many of them anyway for the nutrition, but not in great quantity or very often.

        If I grow beets this year I’ll be pickling them and posting.

    1. Hi Trailbuddy, I just can’t get there. I used to work at an expensive but rustic hunting and fishing lodge when I was in high school, as the chef’s assistant and waitress. (We served a rockin’ duck gumbo!) Occasionally they would bring in an alligator, and it was yucky. Maybe it wasn’t cooked right (or didn’t have the yummy cajun spices you reference), but I don’t think I can get over seeing it raw. I should stop now while you still like it. Do you have a recipe to share?

      1. I live on the edges of Cajun country, so we eat a lot of gator in our restaurants. I normally don’t cook it. If we’re making it at home, we first chop it up into little cubes, and then use something like Zatarain’s creole seasoning to season the meat beforehand. After the meat is seasoned batter it with Zatarain’s fish fry. Deep fry the battered pieces.

      2. Thank you – it’s a public service for anyone contemplating cooking ‘gator and not knowing how to start. Glover Gardens is in Tomball (northwest of Houston), although I like to say “Southeast Texas,” so we aren’t too far from Cajun Country, either. But you must be a lot closer, because we don’t really see alligator on the menu much here. I have a friend who’ll be in Lafayette in a couple of weeks, and she’ll bring back boudain (or is it boudin?) for us and lots of other friends. We have a special affection for Cajun food here at Glover Gardens.

      3. I was in Houston last year and found some decent Cajun. I think the place was named Rajin’ Cajun. Kind of run down on the outside, but they had good food. You’re actually closer to the true Cajun areas than me. I’m in North Texas, but I visit New Orleans quite a bit. We have a lot of Cajun restaurant chains, like Razzoo’s and Boo Rays up here.

      4. Oh yeah, Ragin’ Cajun has been there FOREVER and is really good. Thanks for reminding me! It’s a hike from here, but well worth it.

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