where o where did you hide my anaconda? i need that snake
Bitter over some teenage breakup, I wrote that tiny little poem in my high school journal. For some reason, it has always stuck with me; it’s so bitter and melodramatic that it makes me laugh.
I remember the poem but not the boy who broke my heart, which is probably as it should be.
I’ve just learned the term “tanshi,” which means “small poem” and I guess that’s what this is.
I’ve never liked snakes and probably just used the word anaconda because it sounded cold-blooded and mean. I just looked them up and there’s no way I could use an image of that scary-looking reptile here in the annals of Glover Gardens. I’ll probably dream about anacondas because of the few I just saw on Google, eating large mammals. Yuck.
But I have to have an image for the post. So I found a picture of myself from that period, a scan of a yearbook photo someone uploaded to Facebook. I was the female winner of “Most Cheerful”. Yep. Not “Most Likely to Succeed”, “Most Popular” or even “Most Likely to Start a Blog in Her Late 40s”. But now, I’ll take it! I love being known as a cheerful person. I chose this picture to balance out the bitter tone of the tanshi, the sting of the anaconda. I really was a happy kid. Still am.
No anacondas were harmed in the creation of this post, and no, that boy is not the one that broke my heart.
The author of the A Passers By blog says, “Give me a word and I will write a poem starting with that word.” So I did! My favorite word – and idea – is serendipity.
A poem was created in a very rapid turnaround, and it surprised me! As I said in the comments:
Thank you so much – you made me smile, and laugh out loud, and a little uncomfortable, too. It takes a good poem to do that!”
I had expected a certain kind of poem, and got quite another, reminding me of the value of collaboration and improvisation – when a person builds on an idea from another, the result is almost always unexpected.
I just read an awesome poem by a friend and former colleague’s daughter, published in the Duke University Talent Identification Program (Duke TIP) Navigator online blog. Source: beth and bella and bree and brielle.
beth and bella and bree and brielle
went down to the park (to relax one day)
and beth found a firefly that flew to the sky; forward to tomorrow and back again to yesterday that made her run as fast as the wind, and
bella ate some wonderful fruit that made her feel like she could float;
and bree laid down in the soft, summer grass and watched the leaves sway and dance: and
brielle climbed a tree that was as tall as forever and its view stretched out to the green studded meadows and back to her home.
Whatever we think, whatever we were taught to believe will keep on changing with the world’s scenery.
Wow! This beautiful, gentle, tranquil and philosophical poem is rich with imagery, illustrative of the concept and value of mindfulness, and fills me with hope. Are you with me?
Click here to read the poem online and navigate to other contributions.
Copyright belongs to Brielle Burns, a 6th grader from Texas
My grandfather was an amazing man. A geophysicist, he was quiet, brilliant, circumspect, pragmatic, a lifelong learner in the fields of math and science and leader in oil exploration – and yet he was so faithfully loving and supportive of a creative like me, his oldest grandchild and just about his polar opposite in terms of interests and passions.
Grandpa was strong and silent like so many men of his age who served in WWII and saw things they could never describe and didn’t care to remember. Tom Brokaw called them The Greatest Generation in his influential book of the same name; I just call myself lucky that this first lieutenant in the Air Force fell in love with my grandmother, a divorcé with a tiny daughter, and married her in 1942.
That tiny daughter was my Mom, and this gentle, studious man adopted her as his own, treating her the same as the other children he and Grandma went on to have. I didn’t know Grandpa wasn’t my Mom’s biological father / my biological grandfather for years, and when I found out, it didn’t matter in the least. We were his, and he was ours.
(photos with captions are excerpts from a slide show created by my Dad for my grandmother’s 90th birthday)
A true explorer, Grandpa’s career in oil exploration took him all over the world; he was eventually VP of Geophysics for Superior Oil (now ExxonMobil). His remarkable career was followed by adventures on the sea, as his retirement began with a 42-foot sailboat and trips that sometimes included lucky grandchildren like my brother and me.
My brother on my grandparents’ sailboat, in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, in the mid-70s; this was an epic 7-day trip I will always remember
The rigors of sailing gave way to land-based adventures as my grandparents mounted an RV in their 70s and traveled throughout the country, visiting national parks and family, arriving just in time for birthdays and births (including my son’s). Their retirement together was rich in experiences fueled by water, wind and land – and love of family.
Today would have been Grandpa’s 98th birthday. To honor and remember him, I’m sharing the poem I wrote for his funeral in 2002.
Water, Wind and Land: Metaphors for a Geophysicist (for Grandpa)
we are all archeologists now
sifting through our memories of you
sorting the bits and pieces we find
to put them back together
in what will become our lasting “mind pictures” of you
sometimes sifting and sorting alone
sometimes together with your other loves ones
turning our memory fragments this way and that
to see where they fit
and make a clearer picture
all of my finds in this archeological dig of grief
are geo-metaphors for a geophysicist:
~ water, wind and land ~
for you were not a man of words
you were a man of deeds
of facts
of maps
and plans
my dig finds full sails and stormy skies
radars and Lorans
dolphin fish and egrets’ cries
a wood-hulled boat, a lake cabin, a becalming
your thoughtful brown eyes
your “I love you’s” were spoken in geo-metaphor:
~ water, wind and land ~
“help me steer the boat, Kimmie”
“Stevie, let me show you how to tie a slip knot”
“Of course girls can shoot skeet!”
for you were not a man of words
you were a man of deeds
of facts
of maps
and plans
I dig deeper, contemplative, archeologist-turned sociologist
looking for meaning
and I find you are an underground river
strong, constant, clear and sure
your life’s waters carried bloodlines and love-lines
equally strong
lifelines guiding through shifting sands
~ water, wind and land ~
my finds are home-baked bread
and spectacular jams
a well-stocked RV
crossing ferries and dams
Grandma’s letters with your P.S:
“Math and science, math and science!”
recognized clearly – then and now –
as geo-metaphor love, all your best
~ water, wind and land ~
you were a man of deeds
of facts
of maps
and plans
~ water, wind and land ~
we dig and sort
together and apart
reconstructing geo-you
in the museums of our hearts
~ water, wind and land ~
love, kimmie
july 2002
Grandpa and me at my first wedding, way back in the 80s. Those pearls were borrowed from my grandmother, one of the many, many gifts he brought her from his world travels. His finds, which included on the one end spears and art from Nigeria and on the other end, jewelry like these pearls and a gorgeous raw emerald, have been given to all of my cousins. I got the pearls.
In his later years, Grandpa channeled his natural curiosity and scientific attention to detail into cooking, mostly bread-baking and jam-making. He made the same recipes again and again, meticulously documenting small differences until he had them perfected. Christmas stocking gifts in those years were highly coveted jars of his homemade jellies. I treasure the memory of our long talks about cooking from those days. I also inherited some of his knives and big pots, which I consider to be heirlooms on par with the pearls.
Rest in peace, dear man, and bless you for teaching us about water, wind and land – and love.
I have never said this in a public forum: my brother Steve’s untimely death four years ago was a suicide.
At first, we didn’t know. And then, we did.
But it wasn’t time to talk about it before. Our family and very close friends needed time to process, to grieve, to try to make sense out of something that we will never understand. Ever.
And quite frankly, there was no way to express the ragged, jagged, piercing and seemingly permanent heartbreak that we share. I’ve tried in this blog, believe me, although you didn’t know what you were reading. Some of my hurt-heart poems and writing are linked at the end of the post.
The adage says, “time heals all wounds,” but I wonder why the part about the scars was left out?
There is something true about the healing (accepting?) impact of time, though – it all looks different through the 4-years later lens. I can see past the horror, shock, pain and hopelessness, all the way back to the wonderment and love we once shared, the richness that my relationship with my brother brought to my life, and the Crayola-bright uniqueness that was Steve’s essence. His extremely wise choice in marriage brought me my “sister” and my nieces, a gift that is immeasurable and one of the reasons I believe in God.
My nieces have shared their stories through their participation in Out of the Darkness walks, and their courage is the reason I’m now ready to publicly share this painful story.
The other reason is that, like my nieces, I hope my voice can help impact even one life for the better. Please forgive the raggedness, the jaggedness of this poem, and share it with anyone you think might be suffering alone in the dark.
A Suicide Prevention Poem: Out of the Darkness and Into the Light
please hear my plea
if you are out there somewhere
in the dark
considering taking control of your life
by taking your life
please tell someone
just one person
let one person know
that you are at risk
in the dark
and sad
and feeling alone and desperate and unloved
please hear my plea
know that the people who have always loved you
still do
always will
know that your current situation
in the dark
doesn’t have to be
your permanent situation
there’s no death sentence for mistakes or regret
unless you pass it on yourself
please hear my plea
reach out to the light
please tell someone
just one person
let one person know
that you are at risk
in the dark
and sad
and feeling alone and desperate and unloved
you’ll never know
unless you reach out
that you can live in the light again
we’ll never know we can help
unless you tell someone
just one person
let one person know
we’ll never know
that we could have been
the light in your darkness
please hear my plea:
you matter to someone
he mattered to me
At a coffee shop in Austin during our remembrance weekend
Other hurt-heart writings to wrestle with this kind of grief and embrace the remaining joy of brother-memories :
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255.
Grandpa was strong and silent like so many men of his age who served in WWII and saw things they could never describe and didn’t care to remember. Tom Brokaw called them The Greatest Generation in his influential book of the same name; I just call myself lucky that this first lieutenant in the Air Force fell in love with my grandmother, a divorcé with a tiny daughter, and married her in 1942.
That tiny daughter was my Mom, and this gentle, studious man adopted her as his own, treating her the same as the other children he and Grandma went on to have. I didn’t know Grandpa wasn’t my Mom’s biological father / my biological grandfather for years, and when I found out, it didn’t matter in the least. We were his, and he was ours.
I have never said this in a public forum: my brother Steve’s untimely death four years ago was a suicide.
