Mother’s Day Essay: Sacrifices for Kids? No. They are Golden-Threaded Gifts

A quick scan of the internet for “sacrifices parents make” surfaces a huge list of all the things we who have spawned offspring have given up – from sleep to travel to financial stability (in some cases) to lazy weekends to worry-free lives, dinners at fancy restaurants and lives that are only about ourselves.

Bullshit.

Being a parent is a gift, and nothing is a sacrifice. It is a privilege and an honor to be a part of another human’s journey in such an intimate way. Calling the decisions we make to put the child first sacrifices (decisions that were made the instant we decided to have a child, by the way) is to make a beautiful commitment sound like a burden.

It’s not.

Parenting is NOT a burden.

Parenting can be hard.

Parenting has long hours and can make you very, very tired.

Parenting can sometimes be confusing, because there’s no manual for it, and even if there was, it wouldn’t necessarily be right for your model of kid.

It can even be thankless, sometimes (although the gratitude comes later in unexpected ways). 

Parenting is a roller-coaster ride that can sometimes flip the switch to boring.

But it is NOT a sacrifice. 

That’s bullshit.

There are several definitions of ‘sacrifice’ in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, including the human sacrifice kind (yuck!), but the closest one to the whining about what parents do is this:

…“to suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy especially for an ideal, belief, or end”.

Nope. Bullshit.

“Suffering the loss of” was not what happened to me when I became a parent, and not what I’ve experienced in my 30+ years of being an extra-parent (for my nieces, my friends’ children, our extended family of YPs, AKA Young People) an actual parent (for my 26-year-old son) and a bonus parent (for my stepson, who I was so lucky to gain as part of my family in 2008 and who has brought me another wonderful YP, my daughter-in-law). It was all a gain for me: every choice, every opportunity to make a difference by being there in each child’s (and now grownup’s) life: every moment together has been a gift. 

Every. Single. One.

A gift.

Listening and seeing the world through the lens of these amazing humans, adjusting my own opinions and views as I learn from them, growing as a person through my experiences with them – all of it has been a gift. 

Even the times when someone threw up on my business suit or told me a school project was due tomorrow at 8 p.m. or I needed to source a halloween costume while on a business trip – those times were gifts that tested my patience, tenacity, cleverness and ability to be calm in the face of adversity, and most importantly, the opportunity to be a role model, i.e., to not freak out, to not sweat the small stuff. 

All were gifts.

And these gifts are the kind that keep giving. 

These gifts are golden threads woven into the days of my being, manifested in stories and memories and meaningfulness, in times together and trust and whispered confidences and requests for advice, in advice from my young people now that they’re grown. The gifts are manifested in visits and cards, texts and phone calls that bear witness to the way those opportunities to support, empower, watch them soar and celebrate their special places in the world have made me a part of their own golden threads, their own quilt of being. These gifts are our continued connections, ever-growing, bringing diversity and joy to my life.

I sacrificed nothing in becoming a parent, a bonus parent, an extra parent.

I gained an immeasurable golden-threaded set of blessings that continue to bring riches, the priceless kind.

For me, Mother’s Day is every day – I am bolstered by the love and regard of all my young people.

I am blessed beyond measure with golden threads.

© Glover Gardens, 2024